rage

awoke at 2 pm with my heart racing, at top speed

i wanted to know the answer, but i had no belief

the alarms had gone off and id ignored them

the same way you did from my phone call at ten

wish id forgotten the things that i said

and i felt paralyzed as i lay back in my bed

the feeling of immobilizing pain came sweeping to my head

and the thoughts id once pushed back filled me with dread

its everything id known deep down inside

so truthfully i didn’t even feel surprised

my tearlessness proved something i couldn’t disguise

that i was the cause of my own demise

my recklessness and my need to be wanted

would keep me in this house that is haunted

her words flashed across my mind and i felt the rage

knowing she was right and had predicted this pain

“youll never be loved because you wont let anyone”

tried to be different but the battle has been won

the reason it hurts is because it is true

i never let someone close to me, not after you

the feeling of violence crept over my soul

wanted to break things and scream and lose all control

she asked what i wanted and i replied easily

i want someone to kill for me, an act of loyalty

a sacrifice to prove that they care for me

id finally feel a sense of relief

before i was swept up in remorse and my grief

so i did nothing instead

and my chest felt like lead

always want the things i cant have

its just my nature, and who i am