please stay

I first listened to this song when I was driving to Los Angeles, in the morning, super early. I am usually somebody who when I first listen to a song - it doesn’t affect me the first time. I don’t get the bone-tingling resonance that people talk about. I have to really look into the song and think it over because usually the first time I am listening to a song, Im listening to the melody, and the lyrics won’t impact me as much.

This song instantly made me cry, after the first two lines of the track. I have never had that experience before - where I listen to a song, just the first lines, and I’m immediately weeping. I’ve never had a reaction so immediate to a song, and I think I had to pull over, in my car, to finish listening to the song, and have a good little cry. This song is impactful. I think that Lucy is the best lyricist out of the three members of Boygenius. She just has a way with words that makes her more of a poet, than anything else. she perfectly encapsulates watching somebody else struggling, with her lyrics. She makes it so personal and so resonant. And so real. I love the way she can talk about very small things, that can lead to a much bigger picture. Her words, incredibly, have an effect on me, when a lot of songs won’t the first few times. They also have a lot of imagery. You can really picture the scenes she describes, you can visualize it.

Your clothes in the dryer, your hair on the shower wall

To give a backstory, by this line I had tears coming down my face. There is something so human so real about these little actions that say so much between the lines. It really gets me.

She is listing all of these different things that aren’t done or are not taken care of. Simple, small tasks, basically, that Julien (her best friend) can’t accomplish. When somebody is really struggling with their mental health, usually it will either go to two extremes; leaving everything undone, or doing too much…usually, it is the former. And not having the stability to accomplish small everyday tasks is what she is describing here. In an interview, Julien talked about how doing laundry is an issue for her because she has OCD which makes it a struggle to do small tasks for fear they won’t be done right. Sometimes it’s just easier to leave things as they are, and not to intervene with those objects - just letting them be.

It’s also not having the strength to do things that are necessarily vital to your survival - even those things are not super easy to achieve. It’s not having the mental capability to do these things, and a lot of people would think these are such mundane and easy, mindless actions. to people who have internal mental battles, it may not be quite so mindless, in fact, they may take every effort in the world, and they may not have the ability or the energy to accomplish them.

This is really just. depicting what it would look like when Lucy walks into Julien’s apartment and sees the way she’s been living and is beginning to see the evidence. Sometimes people really need proof to believe someone is really struggling and I think a person’s living space and the way they take care of themselves is a really good example of proof.

Your toothbrush is too much, your shoes empty in the hall

Your keys on the counter, your dirty dish in the sink

Showing that Julien is not taking care of herself in the way she is not brushing her teeth, not taking care of her basic things that humans need to take care of themselves. Not putting away things, leaving things out… If somebody walks into the apartment of somebody who is mentally ill or struggling, they are going to have proof, just from that. A lot of people with real depression don’t see a reason in life, and also then will not see a reason to maintain the things that come as an addition to life, like taking care of yourself, and doing daily practices that to a lot of people are routine. When you really begin to question why you are even doing these things, it makes you question if you should still do them, if it’s leading you anywhere.

These are obviously questions that people who struggle with finding a reason in life have, and I think that in itself is proof enough of somebody’s mental health.

I think this line about shoes goes right into the next song ill analyze, referencing shoes, and here, their emptiness. She has no motivation to do anything, so therefore no reason to put her shoes on. They are always just sitting there, empty.

Please don’t make me see these things.

It’s paining Lucy to see these tiny little pieces of evidence, that could be seen as laziness. But Lucy understands there is a much deeper meaning for not doing these tasks. It’s not that she doesn’t want to, its if she could she would, and she just can’t. The fact that she cannot is visible to Lucy, and she is able to comprehend just how serious Julien’s situation is. Lucy knows the meaning behind these small things are, and she knows they are hints and omens to the possible future, a future that she doesn’t want to imagine.

A lot of times, it can be easy for loved ones to check out and be oblivious to the serious things in a person they love’s life because it can just hurt too much. They will compartmentalize because they don’t want to feel it, but for Lucy, she reads into it correctly. A lot of people may overlook these small things, because if a person looks okay, and they are able to talk, and are coherent, and they are going about their lives in other ways, these things are more likely to go unnoticed, but they have so much more meaning. They are crying for help. What makes Lucy such a good lyricist, and human being - an overall person - is that she is able to notice these small things and understand what they mean. It shows how close she is to Julien, and it also makes you wonder how much of mental health struggles have become a part of her, Lucy’s, life, that she notices these small things. How much of her is aware of smaller, unregarded struggles in mental health.

She is asking Julien, “don’t let things get worse.” In a way, she is saying her true feelings which is that she wishes she didn't have to see it, wishes she didn’t have to watch her friend go through this, she wishes she could just separate herself, but she cant. Also, she wants things to get better.

The books on your shelves that you never read

the music kicks in a bit more than just the single played-out chords, as Lucy describes more things she sees in this person’s home. I think books represent wanting to do things that are good for your well-being, and then just not doing it. Having the idea, but not carrying it out, for healing yourself. A lot of those small things Lucy describes, are not only things she understands are representative, but also noticing things that she doesn’t want to forget, in case…in case her words don’t work, and Julien loses the battle. She is trying to hold onto every single thing that was a part of Julien, and her life, so fragile in this state.

The hunting knife you kept by your bed, the flowers you dried and tied up with twine, suspended from the ceiling.

These are possibly more obvious signs of pain, as they both have the underlying meaning of temptations. They resemble suicide - having a knife by the bed, just in case. Having something suspended from the ceiling. These are theoretically important to Julien, and they show her trying to have keepsakes that mean things to her, things that may or may not bring her joy. But the things that give her joy could also be the things that kill her. Dacus notices the flowers she hung are dead, the most beautiful things eventually dry up and fade too.

You tell me you love me like it’ll be the last time. Like you’re playing out the end of a storyline.

A reflection on a conversation, how she can not only see these things, but she can read and hear meaning in a conversation with Julien, just by her voice. She explains how Julien tells her that she loves her, but what she hears is it could be the last time she is hearing that. Going into that books concept, again, with the term “storyline.” She feels that she is painfully experiencing this possible idea that Julien’s story is coming to an end, and she can hear it in her voice.

I say, “I love you too,” because it’s true, what else am I supposed to do?

She finishes playing out the conversation she had with Julien, and she is not expressing to her face all that she is understanding from her voice. She just responds “I love you too,” because it’s what she knows how to do, all that she knows how to say. I think this is the most killing lyric. You hear this hopeless and helplessness in Lucy’s voice, even though she is theoretically mentally okay, and not a danger to herself, but she feels completely lost with the idea that Julien may not be forever in her life. This idea that she could possibly have a way to fix this, but she doesn’t know what that is. She’s asking herself, the world, and Julien, what she can do, besides reply, “I love you too.” Because it’s the truest thing she knows. I think this line lets us in on Lucy’s feelings throughout all of this. She is lost, helpless, and painfully unaware of how to fix this if she can. It explains how she feels this burden on her back, she can’t walk away from this. She is supposed to do something, but she doesn’t know what.

Maybe bar the door when you move to leave.

She gives herself this idea of wanting to keep Julien in her vision line by not letting her leave her sight. She may just be also telling Julien to lock her door, to keep herself safe. To remind her that her safety matters.

Lucy said in an interview, “This is a song about being a friend to someone who doesn’t think they should continue living, and you’re desperately trying to do everything at your disposal, to tell them otherwise, everything feels like fair game. Do anything with your life, ruin it…dont’t end it. Just stay another day, that kind of thing. I’ve had a lot of friends throughout my life who have contemplated or committed suicide, and I’ve been involved to varying degrees, as someone they can talk to or physically be around. The sense of clarity in situations like that is so profound. Like the only thing that matters is that you are here.”

There is so much truth to what Dacus says. People get caught up often and that’s really what can lead to it. They aren’t thinking enough about really what life is, how much freedom you really have. You can do anything, as long as you stay alive. I think even her saying that is such a hopeful concept to remind Julien of. You don’t need to live this life the way you are living it. you have the option to change, but there is also a great naivete in that. In that, she doesn’t understand, first and foremost, that Julien is not at that point, of just being capable of switching things. It’s gotten beyond that, its gotten too far. she doesn’t know how to live, anymore, any life. Still, Lucy reminding Julien that her presence there is the most important thing it gives Julien this burden that ending her own life is not ending just her life. It is killing a part of her friend’s life. It’s putting into perspective, the effect your actions may have. A lot of times, people who struggle this way don’t think anyone wants them around, and this is Lucy having this insight that reminding somebody how much they belong in somebody’ else’s life is a good reminder that you aren’t alone. Your actions have effects on other people. Other people want you to stay alive, even if you don’t, and for that to be motivation.

I think you mean what you say, when you say you wanna die.

Exactly what I was saying before, this line is not brushing things off, it’s not making light of situations, and her words, just because you want to believe that they are just light, and not serious. It’s her saying, “I think I believe you.” Even though there is a way that anyone can look at the situation and think they are making light or being dramatic. Lucy is not doing that, she is believing Julien, when she says that she wants to die. She knows that that is not just a throw-around line, that it is serious. And she is not putting down, or making small of the words Julien says, because she is holding on to every word that she hears.

You can actually hear Phoebe Bridgers and Julien Baker singing backup harmony here, and the kind of reality it brings to this song is profound. We know that this song was written about Julien, and it was only out after Julien’s recovery, and being well again, which is a kind thing to do for Lucy. It can be easy to want to share your feelings with others while the event is happening, but also when what is happening is regarding somebody else’s life, you have to take that into consideration and thought and care. Now Julien is recovered, she is able to actually sing background, and it’s almost like proof, the way Julien sings the words proving that she did mean what she said because she is still here. There is such beauty and truth in those words, now that we have that proof that Julien is still here able to sing this song with Lucy. And Phoebe adds in vocals because she was also struggling when Julien was. The three of them are best friends, and when one suffers, the others do too. There is such a knowing feeling in the way they sing these lines, because each of them can resonate with these lyrics in different ways from their own experiences of going through it. I think it’s brilliant that the three team up to sing backup for both the track. The geniusness (no pun intended) of the others backing up one another, shows that even when the artists individually are singing solo, they are together, and their stories are interwoven. While they are backing up their voices, they are backing up each other, expressing that their feelings and music are valued, along with their experiences. How supportive they are of one another, that Julien is giving, in a way, her approval, by singing backup to this track. I can’t imagine what it must have felt like for her to hear these words sung, knowing they were meant for her ears alone. It shows her just how true these words are, how important her life is to someone else. How supportive the three are of each other’s stories.

I think you mean what you say, when you say you want to stay alive.

Lucy also believes Julien when she tells the opposite, that she does, sometimes, want to stay on earth. It’s not all or nothing, she believes everything Julien says, essentially. Sometimes people who really don’t feel an intent for life can have times where they do want to be alive, and see the beauty of life, and see the good things, and it doesn’t negate that they at some point did not feel this way. They may not feel the same in the future, it is just the current feeling they have, and it doesn’t cancel out everything they ever said or felt. That little bit of hope is enough for Lucy, to believe this may not be the end after all.

Quit your job, cut your hair, get a dog.

And then we get to the bridge, and basically, now that she has a little bit of hope, she feels that she has that freedom to say all of the things Julien could possibly do besides ending her life. All of these things she’s listing, that people may take a long time to do, that they may think about for a while, she could do in a second, as she can do anything - as long as she doesn’t do the one thing. This goes back to what Lucy was saying, “Do anything with your life, just don’t end it.” Stay, one more day. These are all just alternatives of things that could give Julien some adrenaline, some sort of feeling. So, things to solve and lighten the burden.

Change your name, change your mind, change your ways, give them time.

Changing your identity and giving her the allowance of changing her mind, but also saying, in a hidden plea, (please change your mind.) and giving it time - its not going to be immediate, this change, it will take time. But just, give it more, and give her, Lucy, some more time, with Julien.

Go back to school, go back to sleep

she could do anything she wanted, or, she could just go back to sleep. She doesn’t need to do anything if she doesn’t want to, she could also just do nothing. nothing. Either do these things or nothing.

Tell the secrets you can’t keep. Begin, be done, break a vow, make a new one.

Telling secrets is a way to get things off of your chest, that are hurting you. Basically, Lucy is saying she can let things off your chest, it won’t matter, as long as she stays with her. You can go against your word, and start over.

Call me if you need a friend, or never talk to me again. But please stay.

Its this complete selflessness. She is taking all of the importance of herself. She is being so incredibly selfless that she would risk not having Julien in her life, as long as Julien keeps her own life. She is saying she will always be there for her, but she won’t force herself on her best friend if she doesn’t feel like talking. Anything Julien wants, Lucy will do it. Lucy would live with the pain of never talking to her best friend again if it is what Julien needs. It is basically offering herself up to Julien and saying, “Anything for you, even if it hurts me, and I will always be there for you, no matter.”

I think hearing that must be so profoundly comforting, to know that there is always someone around for you, that you are never truly alone. And besides all of these things, when we get to this outro, a repetition, a plea, a begging from Lucy… it is the only thing that will matter to Lucy, the only thing Julien must give her in return, the only thing that matters. Her one wish. After this song has played out, all that Julien needs to take away is just to stay. She begs Julien to stay in Lucy’s life, stay in her own life, to stay on this earth, it is the one thing she wishes. The repetition highlights how helpless and necessary it is for Julien to listen to her, Lucy. A lot of times, when people are in a crisis, they will repeat what they need, and this is what Lucy does here. The way her voice breaks on the last please, makes it so real, and proves that this is not a fictitious story, but it is real, and based on somebody.

Despite the sadness of this song, it made me wonder how much this song really helped, how music saves and keeps people alive. We know for a fact that Julien did stay. She is sober, and though we can only say on speculation, she seems better. She is able to perform again, she is able to show up, to live with two people, her best friends, on tour. She is doing the things that keep her alive, and that’s enough. We know that she is currently winning at this battle and that is a beautiful, hopeful sentiment we can take away, a present we are at. This song is so meaningful to me, and I think it goes beyond life and death, but begging for things to stay as they are, and not get worse. I think a lot of people can relate to that, and believe that we will stay where we are, and just hope it won’t get worse, or believe in the possibility, that maybe, just maybe, things could get better. How cool is that?

But please stay.

But please stay.

But please…

Stay.